Fifty Two!

Fifty two e-mails this morning waging war against my position on the housing market. All FIFTY TWO citing last nights speech by the president, in particular a specific comment he made:

"We have launched a housing plan that will help responsible families facing the threat of foreclosure lower their monthly payments and refinance their mortgages. It's a plan that won't help speculators or that neighbor down the street who bought a house he could never hope to afford, but it will help millions of Americans who are struggling with declining home values."

OK, fine. Let’s regress a bit. Why suddenly are people believing a politician? A politician is a politician and politicians do what politicians do. If any one thing separates them it is their intent; and I will say that the intent of this politician is better than most in past years - hell, I would say better than any since Carter in terms of intent. A quote now comes to mind: "The road to hell was paved with good intentions!" LOL!
Seeing all these e-mails this morning I delayed my trip to the gym and typed a search into my favorite web browser; "Bernanke quote housing market". Three clicks later (four counting the search execution) and looky, looky:

Defending the program Tuesday at a Senate hearing, Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke said it's important to save some of those people for the greater good. He likened it to calling the fire department to put out a blaze caused by someone smoking in bed.

"I think the smart way to deal with a situation like that is to put out the fire, save him from his own consequences of his own action but then, going forward, enact penalties and set tougher rules about smoking in bed."

Similarly, the head of the Federal Deposit Insurance Corp. suggested this month it's not likely aid will be denied to all homeowners who overstated their income or assets to get a mortgage they couldn't afford.

"I think it's just simply impractical to try to do a forensic analysis of each and every one of these delinquent loans," Sheila Bair told National Public Radio.
(It took less than two minutes to find documentation making a farce out of the comment made in the address).

Do not defend a politician, it gets you further behind in almost any argument! Instead defend YOUR position! Perhaps it is reasonable that for the greater good the entire market is manipulated into taking a dump. If that is your position, it is fine. In fact, it is a reasonable ideology when you weigh the consequence of sorting out who is who. Hell, the banks can not even find the original notes to execute foreclosures! 9000 foreclosures are being filed a day, so from that perspective it becomes a matter of the most good for the most people, the fastest. You may well believe that those who have honorably purchased homes may have to pay the price for the dishonorable in this case. That is fine; this is subjective - there is nothing factual about it. No one knows the final outcome and we can only make an educated guess (at best) as how to best accomplish this and what will be of most benefit.

As for the statement itself, break it down and look at it.
Yes, it will help millions of "responsible" families facing foreclosure.

Forcing a market decrease will not help speculators.

Irresponsible buyers are getting help.

And the last part is all but comical. "But it will help millions of Americans who are struggling with declining home values." You can not force home values to decline through synchronized government action AND HELP those struggling with declining values. I simply can not believe that so many sent that sentence along with it. The idea is to encourage refinancing to meet declined market value; I have news for you - you still owe what you owe unless your home is "revalued" under the government program. Your loan gets extended, your payment "may" go down but you owe what you owe. The other side of that is you have equity and you refinance it away today hoping for more favorable market conditions later. The idea is you have lower payments at the lower value of your home - if you were not sub-prime it means you pay every single dollar you signed to pay. This makes it sound as if the government is going to discount your original loan - uh no, it’s not! (Trust me, I have been all over the phone on this hoping I could pay my house off at a lower valued rate - had I missed a few payments I would be able to; sounds fair to me).

Backing a point on even the best intentioned politician with their words will only get you the verbiage he or she wants you to hear at the time. This is usually because they know the vast majority will not investigate further than words spoken to them.

As sad as it is, it is true. People are lazy and prefer to be spoon fed rather than go out and dig for their own knowledge. Politicians play this card of lazy ignorance all day long and majority take the bait hook, line and sinker each and every time. Because you find yourself "liking" a politician and emotionally connected to a politician, do not think for a second that you are getting the full story on anything!

An example of such. The bailout in and of itself, many think it is to be paid by taxpayers down the road - I did too until I started researching it. Come to find out bonds are being sold; a great many of those bonds are being sold to China. (This is US Treasury Bonds we are talking about). This is a completely different can of worms in terms of long term impact. China now has the worlds largest holding of Treasuries. Kinda makes you wonder a little bit. Especially when China starts barking at the US and its depreciating dollar and criticism of the lack socialism instituted. At what point do we continue selling our interests AND start listening to the purchasing influences. Instead we see the light at the end of the bailout tunnel - even if the bailout weakens the nation beyond that of the financial.

Some will walk away from reading this as me calling a very popular president a liar. All presidents are. How much support would this man have if said his plan for economic recovery entailed China absorbing Treasuries at such an alarming rate? How much support would he have if said that his plan for housing recovery was going to be at the direct expense of those in good standing? This is what politicians do. Their popularity is most often in the form of public ignorance as they use charisma and their ability to persuade to sell a message of hope. They are all the same because we are the ones who allow ourselves to be easily fooled. Don’t blame me for calling it like it is but by all means challenge any thing I say at any time. None of this is personal on this end because I simply do not have emotional connections to any politician. Those emotional commitments have a nasty way of fogging your objectivity; so I opt to steer clear of them on matters such as this.

And for the record; I actually like the guy and I think he means well. I am just not that back seat guy going only for the blind ride hoping we arrive somewhere nice. My blinders are never on; I like to know exactly where I am going so I am not surprised and prepared when I get there. Try it sometime, you may like it.

My articles and blogs are not a popularity contest. In fact, they generate more controversy than accolades. My intent it simply to tell the rest of the story. In all of my years of writing articles on politicians and policies never have I come across a president this popular. That is a wonderful, wonderful thing! More people today are interested in current affairs than ever before and as a consequence more people take to much at face value because they like the person feeding it to them.

This past year people have called for change yet had no idea what change they wanted. To this very day, most that voted for the current president can not intelligently articulate why. The reason for this is not because people are stupid (even though I like to tease about it). It is because people are too emotionally connected (My Candidate Myself) to differentiate what is good and what is bad; or in many cases were simply part of the bandwagon of momentum for the president (Politics Are Like Football).

Contrary to popular belief, the best way to support your president is to manage politics as if it were a business and remove the emotional and replace it a skeptical logic. There is nothing personal from a relationship perspective concerning any politician and their job making this a better place. They are there to do a job to your standard! Buying off on words simply because of the person speaking them enables such behavior as this and never raises the acceptable standards. Just like you hire some one to fix your roof, you hold them to a standard of acceptance. A president is no different and you must call him or her out when things do not add up. It’s business, it’s not personal. In time, and through direct challenge the new standard can be met and maintained but sitting back and not challenging things that are obviously flawed will get nothing.

In this president there is potential, but as we all know from our own life experiences; no one’s potential is attained without being pushed.

(Personally, I feel I am pushing harder than you guys and I did not even vote for the man)!

-T

Stop The Mixed Signals

"The only way to build a thriving economy is to set and enforce firm rules of the road."
- President Obama upon signing the Stimulus Bill.

Hard to argue with that from almost any aspect one could conjure up. Unless of course you are not actually setting and enforcing such firm rules of the road that is. (Well, it is and is not).

50 billion big ones is slowly making its way to troubled foreclosures - and that’s a good thing; no one wants to be put out on the street. It is the history that is important, the banks, the lenders, and the sub-prime loan beneficiaries that should not have signed on the dotted line.

All the hairs in the world can be split on this (and I am sure they will) but once you take a look into a neighborhood you get a better idea of what is happening.

I have a friend who is a teacher in Phoenix (no, not you Heather! LOL!). She is a single mother who lives both responsibly and within her means. Not rich, not poor. She drives an Accord, not the newest or nicest but it suites the needs of both her and her daughter. When the time was right she bought her first house. ($310,000.00). In time she had a neighbor move in who bought his house for slightly more but was paying less per month - an ARM. He drove a brand new Acura TL and had a taste for the more expensive. As expected his mortgage went up putting him in a position where he could no longer afford his payments. Being sub-prime he had no equity and no means to refinance. He was stuck and foreclosure proceedings started - and then stopped in light of the 50 billion heading his way. He is seemingly saved.

His house is being "revalued" to a range where he can afford to keep up the payments and his interest rate is dropping. On the surface that is all fine, but what happens to the value of the surrounding homes that are not in danger of foreclosure - you guessed it, they drop. His school teacher neighbor who maintains a 750 credit score gets no such benefits because she has acted in prudence. His house was revalued at $210,000 which means the upstanding and responsible people in the neighborhood take a huge equity hit. She will never be able to move or she must lug that six figure monkey onto her next loan meaning she will have to step way down in value to maintain the same payments.

Forcing market conditions detrimentally impacts naturally occurring market conditions; the buyers and sellers markets that fluctuate roughly on supply and demand. The more people with the freedom to buy homes versus the more people with the freedom to sell homes given the sub-quotient of homes available. An example; in this same neighborhood a person is selling a house for $285K. Competing sellers would be foolish to try to sell at 350K; at the same time if homes are selling at 375K it would be foolish to leave so much money on the table and sell at 300K.

Here, what we are doing is driving the value down by force to accommodate those least worthy while victimizing those most worthy. This forced depreciation will economically hinder those who know how to manage their income and their credit.

I am not just bitching here so hear me out. Does anyone find it odd that government backed lenders (Freddie Mac and Fannie Mae) have opted in many cases to not foreclose but instead to revoke the loan and RENT the house to the current occupant? The government is looking at the cost of depreciation and its impact on their loans but it is okay for the private sector can take the hit on their loans on a Bill signed by the president. (So much for free enterprise as we push towards economic socialism).

How can banks stabilize "fair market value" as to not rob upstanding taxpayers and not send hundreds of thousands to the streets and save 37.5 billion doing it? Simple, revoke the loan and move to long term leases. "I am sorry Mr and Mrs Smith, but you are no longer home owners. You can sign this four years lease now or you can move out in 90 days." Just that simple. The government did it, why can’t everyone else? Opps! Or wait, did everyone know the government was doing that?! My bad! Did not mean to let that slip! Either way, 25% is what we are talking here. Drop the rent 25% and use 25% of the bailout to maintain market value on the loans to stabilize the housing market. Investors would relax, home owners in good standing would relax and those who should not be in the house in the first place have the security of a long term lease to figure out how to re-establish themselves. You don’t just randomly drop home values to accommodate sub-prime borrowers; that’s just asinine!

The reason it bothers me is that these steps do not help the majority, they hinder the majority! 60% of Americans have a credit score of 700 plus. Obviously this means 40% of Americans are 699 and below and sub-prime, but it is not the entire 40% we are dealing with when it comes to the revalue issue. It is only 27%! Those that are roughly 520 to 619. In translation, the vast majority of Americans do not have sub-prime mortgages - listening to the news and you would think it was 85%. It is the majority that will lose equity because we are failing to "set and enforce firm rules of the road." We are cursing the masses to save arguably undeserving few.

And of course there is more (there always is with me; you all know that by now). Another friend of mine is a loan officer who left his company when this was beginning to happen. The reason he left was because he knew the inevitable would eventual take place and wanted no part of it. Some numbers for you on sub-prime loans his company was putting through. Credit scores of 550 to 650 with a combined late payment rate of 82%! (Surprisingly consistent with the national average). If you combine that with little and no proof of income you can not select the 18% that would pay; nor can you identify those could afford it. To overcome the price objection (an initial payment the would be home owner could definitely not afford) they suggested an Adjustable Rate Mortgage that would give them initial payments they were more comfortable with. The new home owners were not concerned what was to happen when the rate went up even though they well knew they would not be able to afford it - instead, they signed their name on the dotted line, took their keys and have consequently helped cripple a nation. Seeing them out of this is not the top 5%; it’s the average Joe who works hard to get theirs. It’s that hard working teacher with a mid and low 700 credit score that is taking the bust in lost equity as their neighborhood home values plummet to accommodate people such as these.

What about that guy who just got laid off and can no longer afford him home? Well, what about him? If Hyundia can develop a program that a laid off person can bring a car back to the dealership, then a lender can develop a program to revoke a loan and rent the property - or if need be, move the loan to Freddie Mac and have them do it.

We are needlessly wasting huge, huge dollars and not weighing the aspects and variables of this. 50 billion now and there are no numbers put forth reflecting the lost equity for those indirectly effected. That’s not just bad math; that’s irresponsible math!

What we are doing is lowering the acceptable standard and expecting favorable results. It does not work like that. People in hard positions are to be pushed hard. You do not lower the standards of public schools and expect smarter graduates. You do not lower the punishment for criminal behavior and expect less crime. You do not lower value to accept sub-prime standards and expect economic stabilization. Unless of course you are an idiot.

They continually say that it will get worse before it gets better, and they are right. In the worsening you will not be able to tell what is and is not working. You will not be able to see how one insurgence of money passively effects another market. It all gets mixed in the jumble. In the first bailout they said they could not track a single dollar nor what did and did not work. 700 billion dollars with no favorable outcomes. You simply can not force market shifts. Consumer confidence forces market shifts; not blind dollars. The president was saying in an interview some weeks ago that more banks were destined to go under; the very article below it read "More Americans are saving and growing their savings accounts." More Americans putting money into their savings and the president saying more banks will fail at the same time. (Yeah, that does wonders for consumer confidence). Kinda makes me understand why old people would die with a mattress full of money.

Many compare today to the Great Depression. First off, things were far worse off then. Secondly the very fabric of America was different - its people. Their faith in nation was far superior to that of what we see today. Aiding in the recovery was confidence the nation WOULD recover. Consumer confidence is lacking, recovery will not begin until the very people with the dollar bills in their wallets feel comfortable letting them go. Comfort meaning that every purchase they make is not a waste. We tabloid automakers products as junk. We aggressively move to devalue a home in the name of those with poor credit. We portray every worker of Wall Street as a crook. Who in their right mind would have any confidence in a nation dedicated solely to painting dark pictures of everything it gets its hands on? We can dump 20 trillion dollars into the economy but if your president is saying banks are going to fail how free will people be to spend, to borrow and to invest? The attack must be made on the people, not the programs in mass. You tell the people what you are going to do, then do it; industry by industry so they can actually see positive results. That builds confidence. Singing a bill with a glorified speech followed be the market plunging is not the way to do it. The mixed signals must stop.

-T

Why I Am Single

What is so bad about being single? Is it that you "have" to be in a relationship to be happy? Or is it that people are so far removed from themselves and who they are that being in repeated and failing relationships is more of a coping mechanism than anything else?

And of course the question of the week seem to be "Why are you single?" A fair question and not one I will not shy away from.

It is simple. I came out of a long term relationship some time ago and used the time following the relationship to find myself and learn the difference between being alone and being lonely. It seems to be a hurdle most these days can not conquer because everyone is so accustomed to instant gratification.

In that time I saw something in myself that I simply did not like. I was caught selecting the same variations in women and ending the relationships with the same results. That had to change and that was my fault and my fault alone. It was not about "what she did" it was about why I selected her and if the reasons for me selecting her were actually healthy for me. That is not something easily accomplished. It seems old habits truly do die hard and attraction is visceral. It grabs you like a fiend grabs a crack pipe. It is hard to say "no" sometimes; especially to something your mind has already told you that you want. Once the cycle is broken it becomes easier but breaking the cycle is a bitch.

Nothing worse than being out, having a few drinks and seeing "her". Looking the way you like her to look, talking they way you like her to talk and being receptive to you! Nothing worse!!! What’s a guy to do? Remember where it gets you is what’s best to do. Granted, it could be a good few weeks but in the end you are where you started, and that is the best way to watch the progression of life pass you by. And that was the key for me. Life to me is about progression. There is simply nothing I find fulfilling in aspects of life that are stagnant. It is where I found my motivation to get that monkey off my back.

I saw that in myself and decided that I wanted better for me. It became more important for me to make me happy than seek happiness in the hands of woman.

Good relationships are great but bad relationships destroy the best features a person has to offer. Not being in a relationship immediately following my break up allowed me the chance to discover who I am for me; not build what I am supposed to be for another. Only through sustaining independence can you truly achieve healthy interdependence; and after all, that is what a relationship is supposed to be right? Strong on your own, strong together.

The reality is that when you look at a great many relationships today you can see where the two are stronger as individuals than they are as a duo. Why weaken yourself to be in a relationship? It makes little sense that we sacrifice so much for so little in the name of companionship.

So many that I have been talking to here in the recent past have had the same problems and continue down the same road. They cycle through relationships thinking the next will end better than the previous; only to fall into the same trap and same results.

The guys blame the girls, the girls blame the guys and no one is blaming the man in the mirror. Let’s face it, your selection in partner is your fault; the other doing what he or she does is secondary to that. Own it for what it is. Seldom is it where that person just "ups and changes". Warning signs were ever present, ignored and looked past and we end up settling. The results are obvious and we sit back and say "But she did this" or "He did that". They very well may have but that person was selected while the whole time knowing what they were capable of. Of course if a person’s potential is unknown the discovery period in the relationship was flawed.

And after all; "maybe he (actually) is not that into you" and maybe you will simply take what you can get because you fail to understand that looking in the mirror tells tales we may not otherwise want to hear but have to face in order to proceed.

If a person is not in grasps with who they are as an individual; what do they really have to offer another? Not a damn thing! They offer a lie and most adults respond passively to lies. The phone calls get ignored, dates missed; you know the drill.

As guys we want to know exactly what we are getting. We may not notice that you just got your hair done. We may give you a blank stare when you get bossy. But we know when we have been lied to and we know when a product was over sold and under delivered. How that is handled is subjective but personally I will issue a pink slip on the spot with few kind words and no regrets. This very issue is why I left my ex. Not that she was a bad person but she did not know herself well enough to be in a relationship. She pawned it like she knew but in the end I was progressing in life and she was searching for self. A very incompatible combination for some one like me.

In the end I choose to be single, not because I want to be free but because so many I run into have never taken time to identify who they truly are. Most that come at me are coming out of another relationship. The kiss of death when it comes to me because I know exactly what that means - I am the tool to forgo loneliness. Been there, done that and never with good results.

What I look for today is completely different from what I looked for in the past. I look into the person, not at the person. The conversations are as casual as they are deep and I know what I am dealing with in terms how well self actualized the person is. They are few and far between. Granted, it narrows the playing field down but I now refuse to settle because I am ok with being alone and I do not need "her" to make me happy.

The bottom line; if you are stuck in yesterday and today your tomorrow is futile.

-T

Hot Butter Beans!

As children we had an old school up bringing. We did not have the predators and threats that parents are today leery of. All the neighborhood parents had hand in raising all the kids in their view, from dinners to beatings; they were all in it together.

The summer months were the “funner” months as we called them. Out of the house in the late morning hours with the expectation that we would be home by dinner. After dinner we were out until the street lights came on, pardons and exceptions were very conditional; some one’s parents had to be watching us.

The “street light game” of choice was “Hot Butter Beans”. A game I am sure that was invented by a parent who decided it was best to let the kids whoop themselves for a while and take a break. Hot Butter Beans is a mix of tag and hide and go seek. Only it’s backwards. All the kids go the base (Usually Tony Cook’s porch) and count while one person hides a nice sturdy thin leather belt.

Once the count is reached everyone races off to find the belt. The lucky finder gets to snatch the belt up and whoop everyone’s screaming ass back to the base! Fun to be had by all, unless you’re Tony Cook. He always hosted the game with his Mom (Miss Geneva) watching and laughing as she sat on the phone explaining to the parents what their kids would look like once they returned home for the evening.

Now Tony was fat, but startling fast for the lumbering clod he was taken to be. So fast that he rivaled the best in a sprint. So fast that he took his speed for granted this final evening before the fall school evening routine was scheduled to start for us all.

This last evening of street light freedom was again a Hot Butter Beans night hosted by Tony and Miss Geneva. Round and round it went before the welts filled with sweat and we decided to succumb the summer to home work and evening routines when Good Ol Tony Boy insists on one more round. Duke Farley (arguably faster than Tony - definitely faster than me) found the belt that was hidden by my cousin PJ around the corner in an alley. Hearing the commotion and Duke laughing I knew it was time for me to either get back or take yet another ass whooping that would entail all portions of my now tender and stinging body except my ass. I scurry off leaping from the street to the porch hoping to save my hide this one last time. Safe and sound I hear laughter and screams from the dark alley - be damned if I was going to go and look. Then CRACK - AAAAHHHH! A nice clean strap on a nice sweaty back, immediately followed by Duke’s laughter. (It’s a combination of sounds one tends to not forget). PJ was laughing so hard he could barely make it to the porch. More cracks and screams and we realize Tony is trapped behind a car and taking a serious whoopin. It is well worth the risk to investigate such atrocities of luck when you are not the unfortunate victim.

Poor Tony, his chunky ass got stuck trying to squeeze between a car and the side of a building and Duke was as relentless in his laughter as he was the bad intentions behind every swing of the belt. Tony was taking it like a man (blood curdling screams aside of course) when he broke free. His plan then was to rely on his speed in order to forgo further punishment. Note* I said “Arguably faster” because this eventful Hot Butter Beans night; he was not. Tony in full sprint was steadily being stalked down by the still laughing Duke. He looked over his shoulder only to see Dukes snarling smile and right hand pulling the belt into attack position yet again. No crack yet, but definitely a scream! Tony was past MAN mode and straight turned bitch before our very eyes. The crack this time was followed not by a scream but by an all out wail for mercy - the one thing no of us possessed. And very predicably; Tony got none. CRACK, CRACK, CRACK as Tony rounded the corner.

There were too problems, he was going too fast and forgot about the van parked in front of Stan’s house. Rounding the corner the battered, beaten and now crying Tony slips and slides straight into the only thing capable of stopping a kid of his size; the back of the van. And he hit it HARD! So hard he knocked the back window out. Stopped and stunned he falls to street only to find the unyielding attack to still be in full swing. CRACK after CRACK after CRACK as Tony cried and crawled his way to the porch with Duke whaling away until his hand touched the wood of safety.

We all know better than to laugh at those less fortunate. And these are the times that you learn such lessons. We were all so entranced by the whoopin taking place that we failed to realize we had formed a semi-circle putting the now possessed whip master between us and our only means to safety - until he turned around anyway. His eyes bloodshot, gapped, sneering toothy smile, frothy mouthy mouth; all more reminiscent of a demon than a life long friend.

We were all frozen knowing that first to move would be chased - no one was about to take that sort of ass whoppin for the team. It was each for their own and I stood as both the youngest and smallest; therefore, the most likely victim. Standing beside me was Joseph Ramirez (Emu as we called him). Tall, lanky but not yet caught up with his body in terms of coordination - my easy victim. I shoved him forward kicking his legs out from under him as I run past him hoping Duke would take my sacrificial clutz as easy prey rather than trying to chase me down. In full sprint, not so much looking to ensure he fell, I was off! CRACK - AHHH! He took the bait and my dumb ass was running the wrong way! Another brutal beating had commenced and only two people made it to safety before Emu got himself out of the belted clutches of Duke. Mark, PJ, myself and Emu’s brother Antonio were still in grave danger of what had become an emotionally deranged Duke. No ass whoopin had ever been like this; now two in one night (I had a big problem on my little hands).

No one wanted to be closest to Duke as we all backed further and further away. Antonio was not to be trusted after what I had just done to his little brother and I had dedicated my life to tormenting my older cousins; suddenly I was so all alone, shirtless and sweating on this muggy night - this last Friday night before school was to start; and I was about to take a serious ass whoopin.

Figuring that an all out sprint past this manic would only subject me to one lash it was worth the try. And sprint I did, eyeing him to try to time the swing so I could jump and take it on the ass vice the back. A sound plan, a logical plan... a terrible plan considering he anticipated my jumping. (I always jumped; my aunt would go to whoop me, I would jump. Playing dodge ball, I would jump. Trying to escape some one’s mean ass dog, I would jump. Hell, if I saw a damn worm on the side walk I would have probably jumped. Jumping is what I did as a kid). Run, leap CRACK - AHHHH! In mid air it felt like my back split open and any chance I had at a upright landing onto the porch was derailed but the instant loss of body control due the electric shock like intensity of the belt that made me all but lose bladder and bowel control. CRACK - AHHHH - CRASH onto the porch and straight through the screen door and into Tony’s livingroom only to be met by a VERY PISSED OFF Miss Geneva. And of course she too now had a belt in her hand and was about to bring the night’s festivities to an abrupt end.

Narrow ass Terry was not about to be the first! Springing and screaming back up to my feet and back out the door “She’s got a belt! She’s got a belt!” at the top of my lungs as I hit the porch. It was like surprising cockroaches. Everyone knew good and well who had the belt and no one wanted anything to do with it. We disbursed without question to our respective homes and were more than satisfied ending our summer with one less ass whoppin to show for it.

Hot Butter Beans ended that night. Duke having tasted blood for the first was never the same again, but the summer was left to a weekend of favoring welts in the shower. It ended up being a very good school year for us all!

-T

Devine Intervention derailed to the tune of 5 Million dollars!

The joys of motherhood! (As if I can really speak to that)! Being a single guy with no children, I am much more than once removed from the whole bundle of joy experience. But that comes solely from me not yet (if ever at this point) wanting to have children.

I was always taught that children must be planned for and are not something to be taken for granted. My aunt told me in my "coming of age years" that parenting is a privilege and a responsibility not be taken lightly. And seeing today, where a great many single mothers could be so much further in life but are not because they have put their children first; I can only conclude that she was again correct.

An opps here, an opps there; it is understandable how these unexpected life altering events happen. Like most, I have had my scare or two. Abstinence? Come on now, really? This is not a world of Sisters and Fathers living in a country wide convent.

The ability to bear children is (unfortunately) biological alone. Ones socioeconomic status does not play a factor and apparently, nor does ones better judgement. Case in point; Nadya Suleman,
a 33 year old California resident who has recently given birth to a gaggle of octuplets. Like most, when I first heard the story I was happy for her while I thought "Man, it really sucks to be her."

One sleepless night I read the rest of the story and was disgusted by this women, her ways, and the entire state of California for allowing such a thing to happen. I was not about to write of it, comment on it, think any further about it, or even discuss it with close friends and family. This weekend I bumped into an old friend at the Allstar game. He made mention that his state income tax return came in the form of an IOU! Darling Nadya immediately came to mind!

You see, she is not so darling and she makes a mockery out of what so many single mothers have nothing but reason to take pride in; the very privilege in being a mother. This 33 year old is unemployed, living with her parents and already has six children. She collects both public assistance (which makes sense - six kids and no job) and social security; oh, and did I forget disability? She collected $165,000 in disability using $100,000 of it for in vitro (with $50,000 in unpaid student loans).

Three of the six kids are collecting social security for autism and ADHD. Her genes are questionable at best and here we have this woman paying not to establish herself as a mother but shelling out six figures to grow her already weak and inferior gene pool.

Look at it backwards. California and federal government paid the 100G’s for in vitro only to further foot the bill for her family which more than doubled in one fair swoop. The estimated cost of the hospital stay for the new litter of children is 1.3 million. Medi-Cal simply can not pick that tab up; California is a broke ass state right now (assistance will be federal).

This is not a bust on single mothers, it is a bust on her and the broken system that has enabled this. Bearing children is biological, those biologically not suited have to go to extreme measures in order to have children. Typically, one would think a person willing to pay the required six figures has the means to care for the child(ren). In this case her own mother went forth pleading for the procedure to not be done; it was the easy payday that made this proud doctor take this "patient". His payday is less than a tenth of the hospital bill after delivery (by the best estimation), and his payday for this one procedure is less the 3% of what it costs to raise these kids in California.

Taxpayers are stuck ensuring her kids have what they need because she obviously can not. Fourteen kids, that is 3.1 million dollars to raise in CA and 5.3 million whn you add in the medical expenses of their current stay! One woman and her ability to manipulate an inept and corrupt social systems has caused this. One state not understanding the difference between a right and privilege has allowed this. If these numbers sound high, they are actually conservative given the fact that 50% of her kids have ended up on social security for disabilities. Alarm signals to not do this were all aver the place. Her genes, her lack of stability (both economic and otherwise) and the number of children she already had.

In California they are calling to have her children taken away and made wards of the state. (Aren’t they already wards of the state being that the state is going to financially provide for them until they are 17, and considerably longer for those with disabilities)? She says she wants to go back to school and get her masters in counseling. Fourteen kids at home (all under seven) and she thinks she will have time to study. A degree in counseling and the highest paying job will not remove her from public support - she knows that.

California, a state that is cutting services to bridge a 42 billion dollar budget gap. A state that is laying off its own state employees - those who typically have the most secure jobs are now collecting their own state unemployment. California has got the concept of motherhood all wrong. Motherhood, fatherhood and parenting are not to be viewed as rights; they are privileges. What’s worse is in this case she did not even have the biological factors in her favor and all indications are that her inability to bear children was Devine Intervention; until we interceded. It kinda makes you wonder.

There are a lot of GREAT single mothers out there, a lot of GREAT single fathers out there and this is an abomination to the PRIVILEGE that parenting actually is. So many have sacrificed so much in life for the benefit of their children and their daily acts of altruism are not be overshadowed by people such as her, physicians looking to collect an easy check over acting in prudence and state institutions that have missed the calling in the understanding of the personal responsibility required in good parenting.

Now the state of California has said that "once a State Medical investigation is complete, lawmakers could review issues from government oversight to standards in fertility treatment." In other words, the state is already pawning this off on the government and the ability to say no when a no is needed is to be dictated by government intervention. Here’s an idea; have that bone head doctor that knew better foot the bill. That same smiling ass doctor that was begged by the person who knew best to not do this. That same greedy ass doctor that was more worried about his wallet than ethics. Let him pay.

Oh wait! I left out yet another important detail; it was the same doctor that who did her previous in vitros! That’s right, Dr (and I use that term loosely) Michael Kamrava is responsible for the first six of her kids and turned around an implanted six more embryos that turn into 8 babies... hmm, I wonder how they can tell with of the octuplets are actually twins, or are there actually triplets in the mix? But I digress, two ova splitting once or one ovum splitting twice is of little consequence when the first six are beyond her realm of her financial capabilities. Anyway, the man is an idiot and the idiot is being investigated for "breach of standard of care" and is not just Darling Nadya either! He implanted an uninsured 49 year old with six embryos (she wanted one child) who is now in the hospital at five months gestation. She will be on bed rest for the duration of the pregnancy. Obviously it is merely the pay check this man is interested in!

If you are wondering, the recommended number of implanted embryos in a woman Nadya’s age is two or three. (I can only imagine what is recommended for a 49 year old; if any at all).

So where am I going with this? Nowhere. Just venting about how poor judgement and greed set the innocent hard working of us back so far!

-T

Valentinus and the Deadbeat

A quick to stop to a local jeweler to have a watch repaired turned interesting in the form of a phone call to another patron in the store. It was his ex asking if he could send some money for the their kids.

"I can’t send no money. You know I be broke and don’t have a job! Why you always buggin’ me about this?" (Yeah, he was pretty ghetto).

This was interesting because he was dropping five hundred in cash on a gift for his current girl. Upon completing his purchase he was right back on the phone.

"Hey baby, you are not going to believe what I just got you for Valentine’s Day!"

One can’t help but notice the power of commercial holidays. Of such influence in this case it motivated an individual to want to be perceived as a better boy friend than a better father.

Granted, I blame the holiday but he would have just gone and otherwise blown the money leaving his kids for want. It seems to be the in thing these days; people making babies (eight at a time in one case) and leaving the state and taxpayers to fend to them. In this case though, it falls victim to this pseudo-holiday. A holiday conjured up by marketing, advertising schemes and commercialism in the name of a Saint we can not even accurately identify.

Surrounding this Saint are three would be contestants to be credited for the holiday (one of them is not even Valentine; it’s Valentinus). And with the Saints are three different and eloquent stories. Sadly, the most credible story is that of an imprisoned Valentine who was secretly in love with his jailors underage daughter. Before his death he wrote her a letter signed "From your Valentine".

How sweet. A would be pedophile and statutory rapist whose actions in and of themselves would be reason alone for imprisonment, is annually celebrated as a romantic holiday. Flowers, cards, dinners, movies and the night ending bow-chica-wow-wow.

This deadbeat dad reminded me why I have such a hard time with commercial holidays. They lack sincerity (and even integrity) and appease the need of the masses to follow traditions and rites of passage; regardless of its roots.

This Valentine’s Day may be a little different. More people will be staying in as the household budgets tighten. More knocking boots, less dinners and movies - and more fall babies. (That will help that household budget alright)!

Romance is a good thing, a day need not be set aside for it - especially one set aside of which the origins are as unflattering as they are unknown. Be that as it may, many look to Valentine’s Day to be pampered and shown how much they are loved by that special some one. From that perspective, the history is really of no consequence.

Yesterday I could not help but notice the crowd in Victoria’s Secret. Walking by my attention was grabbed by a young lady who really should have been much more modest than she was (or much more attractive to compensate for her lack of modesty). One lucky guy got dragged in there by his wife and got a front row see to the hideous parade of cellulite. The look on his face was classic! I sincerely hope his wife did not purchase anything because it will remind him of the wrong thing at the wrong time and could very well ruin the mood!

What was good was seeing people (even deadbeats) take time for those special and dear to them. Too often we take those best to us for granted. A special day alone hardly does a good woman justice. Good women are to be honored and cherished year round. How many times did she pick you up when you were down, believe in you more than you believed in yourself, stand by you when others would not, remind you that nothing in your life was yours to endure alone? The "just because" should be always and unrelenting because women are the balance for the sometimes disastrous work of art that is man. The keeper of the location of the favorite cuff links, lucky tie and car keys when you are running late (and of course hider of the remote on fight nights and Sundays). The song of this unsung hero needs to be played loudly and continuously, not just on a predetermined day.

Her patience applauded, her understanding recognized and her true inner beauty fully indulged; regularly, not annually.

I say women are perfect in their imperfection because we are fiercely flawed. Imperfection is the only way to provide balance for a creature designed to be imbalanced. Not everyone enjoys abstract Van Gogh like creations, but she does. Honor her for that.

Of our rib in creation, her unity makes us again whole. A concept that needs to be recognized for what it is. She is not your baby momma, she is not your booty call. She is a woman whose sole and innate design is to complete you, not to be exploited by you.

-T

They Meet

There she is! Surprisingly recognizable for some one that I have never seen in person. I sit back watching her eye the crowd looking for a familiar face. Purposely I keep my distance, sizing her up one last time. Draped in nervousness she begins to move towards the baggage claim. I follow from a distance watching her as she continues to scan the crowd. She patiently waits. Eying the reuniting couples; her look of nervousness slowly turns to disappointment.

"Are you looking for somebody?" I whisper into her ear.

She turns and her smile is warmer than I ever imagined. Though I don’t know if she was more happy or relieved to see me. I hug her close and she smells just as I dreamed she would, the sweet feminine smells of a mature woman.

She immediately asks "How long have you been here?" (Definitely more relief than happiness.)

I confess to following her from the gate and laughing at her nervousness and get a jab in the ribs and an admonishing stare. Conversation picks up with ease as we await her bag. She is very easy to get along with. It is like I have known her for years. What little nervousness that I had was now gone. She seems to have a way of putting me at ease, she always has I guess.

Walking to the car I can not help but put my are around her waist. She receptively leans in against my side without hesitation as we walk, talk, joke. I am already and enjoying the type of company that only she seems to be able to provide me. The 40 minute drive home speeds by and is filled with the comedy of her sarcasm, threats of retaliation for letting her walk through the airport in search of me and the ever fresh enlightenment that now seems to be as much of her as her smile.

Home at last. "Why am I nervous again?" I quietly think to myself as the gate slowly clanks its way across the rail and we begin to drive up to the house. She has grown quiet as she looks through the neighborhood nestled on the mountainside. The setting sun gives way to the dim street lights as we turn into the drive way. We enter the house and I give her the quick down and dirty tour feeling slightly awkward and embarrassed and do not want to appear as if I am showing off for doing well early in life. I rush her into the kitchen and begin dinner.

She is quick to jump in and makes cooking more fun than it already is for me. I watch her closely, realizing her beauty. I walk up behind her, slide my arms around her waist pulling her back against me. I gently kiss her earlobe and begin kissing down the back of her neck as she leans her head forth giving access to her. She sighs and melts in my arms as I kiss my way back up to her ear trying to prevent my hands from exploring the front of her body.

"Ummm, weren’t we doing something here?" I interrupt into her ear startling her back to the task at hand.

"Uh, yeah. We were, umm, yeah. We were cooking. Would hate to burn this."

I slowly withdraw my hands allowing them to graze places they have yearned to go since first I saw her. Together we cook and prepare dinner eyeing the dessert we know is in store. Moving about temptingly brushing against one another as the meal slowly begins to come together. The food simmering, aromas filling air as Grover Washington Jr.’s Winelight plays in the background.

"Now all we have to do is wait." I tell her as lean back against the island and pick up my beer.

She grabs her class of wine and walks over to and lays into my chest holding me so warmly. Taking her hand I guide her out back. The cool desert chill is already present as the moonlight glistens off the pool and silhouettes the mountain. An owl stealthily soars the sky before coming to rest on the limb of a tree.

"It’s so quiet here." she whispers as if she didn’t wish to interrupt the silence of the early night.

"It is, that’s why I moved up here. It’s my escape from the pressures of work."

She nods, sips her wine and walks over to the edge of the pool. She looks so natural, the pool light showing the feminine curves of her figure. She turns to me with a slight smile as if she is about to say something but no words come out. She just stands silently enjoying the introduction to my world. I make my way to her, she seems get prettier with each step I take. I slide my hands over her hips as I taste her full lips for the first time. Her soft warm lips send electric chills through my bones. She melts me with her essence as her feminine taste warms the cool evening air around me. She is magical in her sensuality and I feel a burning inside me I have never before felt.

"We’re going to burn dinner baby. Now we would not want to do that would we?" She says with a raised brow knowing she has just gotten even. I follow here as she glides back towards the kitchen.

We choose to eat dinner on the floor in front of the fireplace. Taking turns feeding each other, never missing and opportunity to steal a kiss. We laugh and enjoy each others closeness. I realized then why I like her so much. She is the way a woman was meant to be. She is strong and confident even when she is not at her best her determination remains intact. What I have been missing I see clearly now. It’s her. She sees me staring at her and pauses with a look that says "what?" I bring her close to me, not saying a word kiss her more purposefully than I have ever kissed a woman. I feel her intensity as she breathes harder and deeper bringing her body as close to mine as she can. My hands now freely exploring the curves of her body. Passionately kissing down her neck as I unbutton her blouse and caress her soft breasts. She exhales deeply as she lays back allowing me full access. Slowly removing her blouse as my lips find their way down to her breasts. Her nipples now erect, her body slowly undulating to each touch and caress of her soft, rich skin.

"Don’t stop." She says breathlessly as I suck her nipples while firmly holding her breast in one hand and my other hand slowly finds its way down past her belt. Her arousal grows and she pushes her hips up off the floor in anticipation of my first contact. We meet and she lets out a deep groan of pleasure. I look up at her; her eyes are lightly closed, her head tilted off to the side; she looks so beautiful to me. I kiss her lips softly and look deeply into her eyes. She grabs my head and kisses me deeply, exploring deep in my mouth with her tongue as I begin to undo her belt and pants. Slowly I begin to slide her pants off as she lifts and turns cooperatively. Before I know it; there she lies. Her naked beauty glowing under the dim orange light of the fire. She is all woman, perfect in her imperfection, confident in her insecurity and completely beautiful.

She reaches up in a mild attempt to remove my shirt. Together we take it off while passionately kissing. The sense of urgency now growing in me at a rapid rate. I want more of her, I want all of her and I want her now. She runs her soft hands over my naked chest and stomach. Her hands feel so good against my flesh, so warm an gentle. She raises up and begins kissing my chest as she now begins to explore my body. She slowly undoes the top of my pants and slides her hand down and fondles my erectness making me weak. Slowly she works her hand over and around every inch of me as I begin to kiss her naked body and completely remove my clothes. We take in each others nakedness. Her form waiting further attention I glide my hand gently over her as I kiss softly on her stomach.

She lies before me in quiet submission as I let my tongue learn her curves. I kiss and lick further down on her as she begins to move under me. I work my body over her just as I come in contact with her neatly trimmed hairline. She pushes her hips up off the floor as I taste her sweetness. I let my tongue work through her warm moist folds while she moans uncontrollably. Gabbing my head she pulls me deeper into her. My tongue coated and my mouth filling with her warm flowing juices.

"Please, please, please don’t stop!" She cries as my lips and tongue work her in a way she has never before been worked. Her body tenses up and she releases a deep gasping sound just before she convulses in a warm flow of satisfaction. Pulling me back up to her she kisses me deeply, her body shaking.

"Take me now, I want to feel all of you inside me."

Slowly I slide inside her. Her moist, warm tightness receiving me as she dug her nails into my shoulders. Slowly I stroke into her as she rotates her hips accepting me into her deepest regions. She feels as good as she tastes. Her legs wrapped around me as I begin to plunge inside her faster and faster. She begs me not to stop. Faster and faster I work into her as I raise my body over her. Our eyes meet and she reaches up and caresses the side of my face, the look in her eye telling me everything I need to know. Faster now as she pushes her hips up into me and moans deeply with pleasure.

"Oh God! Not again! Oh please don’t stop!" her moans now drowning out the jazz in the background.

"Finish with me." She begs as I work deeper insider of her. I slide my arms under the small of her back and bring her into me as I feel her tightening. She cries out in pleasure holding me tightly as I explode forcefully into her.

Her body moist with sweat, her legs trembling as she smiles looking deeply into my eyes as a tear escapes her. I gently wipe it away and tell her "It’s okay."

She says "I know, all I have ever wanted was for it to be okay."